"What are you saying?" I asked her. "You've changed." came a short answer from her sobbing voice. "In what way?" I asked. She kept quiet. "Do I go around seeking other women?" I asked. No answer and still sobbing. "Am I now frequenting pubs or clubs? Am I being harsher towards you? Am I neglecting you or our children?" I continued asking, trying to understand her. Silence. No reply. Wiping away her tears.
I now understand why most women (or most wives, to be more precise) feel threatened when their husbands are being approached or visited by tablighi brothers. The mere presence of strange heavily-bearded brothers talking to her husband could bother or haunt her, as if those strange tablighi brothers are going to grab her husband away from her.
It is natural for a wife to love her husband and vice versa. But sometimes a wife would go beyond the boundaries in such a way that she wants her husband all to herself. Whereas the obligations of a husband are firstly, towards Allah Ta'ala and His Rasul sallalaahu alayhi wassalam; secondly, towards his mother; thirdly, towards his father; fourthly, towards his mother-in-law; fifthly, towards his father-in-law; and then towards his wife. Often many wives failed to recognise these constraints of their husbands. She always want to be No. 1 in the sight of her husband, nothing less. It grieved me when I read in the newspapers or magazines or even on telly, how ignorant and moronic a wife can be when complaining of her mother-in-law (her husband's mother) intervention in their marriage. She would not be that mindless if she knows her proper place.
Stunningly, it is even easier for a wife to (unconsciously, I hope) place herself higher than Allah Ta'ala and His Rasul sallalaahu alayhi wassalam. For instance, at the sound of the calling of the adhaan, when her husband is getting ready to go to masjid for solah, the wife scowls, "You said that you would bring me for shopping (or to do this and that). It's getting late and now you're going to the masjid." Her frowning and sullen face stops her husband from going to the masjid and hurriedly perform solah at home instead. At that point of time, the wife is putting herself above Allah Ta'ala and His Rasul sallalaahu alayhi wassalam!
Having said that, I firmly believe that it is the fault of the husband if, void of any effort on his part, his wife fail to recognise her position. Did not our beloved Rasulullah sallalaahu alayhi wassalam tell us that every one of us is a shepherd and and every one is answerable with regard to his flock...that a man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them? Every one of us is a guardian and every one of us shall be questioned with regard to his trust.
Thus, I consider the night when my wife suddenly broke into tears was the very moment she began to realise that her husband is not exclusively hers. And that her rights and demands upon her husband is limited. That the right towards Allah Ta'ala and His Rasul sallalaahu alayhi wassalam is second to none. All praise be to Almighty All-Knowing Allah for the swift first spark of hidayah in an episode that I foolishly feared would ruin our marriage.
The rest of the episodes could be read in the chapter "A Wonderful Initial Effect of Fadha'il Ta'leem" and "An Introduction to Masturat Jamaat".
